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Screaming Into the Void

Dear Reader,

I actually thought about password protecting this one because it’s very personal. But then I figured if you are interested enough to read it after I’ve warned you…well, that’s up to you.

Last night I was sitting in RENT. For those who care, the movie moved me much more than the stage show. My wonderful wife, the lovely and talented Kathy, got me tickets to the stage show a couple of years ago when it came through Nashville. It was ok but it really didn’t do it for me. The movie was much more moving for me.

It came to the song “Take Me or Leave Me” (Duet between Maureen and Joanne) and the line:

“you got a prize but don’t compromise
your one lucky baby”

For those not familiar with the story, at this point Maureen and Joanne are having a fight. Maureen has just finished telling Joanne what a great catch she (Maureen) is and how lucky she (Joanne) is to have her.

For some reason it struck a chord in my head. I flashed back to the weeks after I proposed to Kathy. Everybody (EVERYBODY) at work and my family congratulated me and told me what a catch I got. The usual banter among guys:

“What’s wrong with her?”
“Is she blind?”
“You knock her up?”

But all in good fun. But you know what? Nobody (NOBODY) said the same thing to Kathy. I was congratulated for catching a prize but apparently nobody thought the same for her. (Aside from Kathy herself)

One lone voice of encouragement. One person, managed to look through it all and see that Kathy had landed a prize for herself. My maternal grandmother, Mildred. (“Nanna”)

Thank you Nanna, I’m not sure I said that at the time. Thanks for seeing me as a prize when no one else did. I love you.

It’s depressing but I’m not really depressed about it. It was a long time ago and I’m really not sure why that song triggered it. It didn’t last time.

Until next time, under a month now till we are together again.