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I know what the hell is wrong with Hollywood!

Dear Reader,

I’ve done it, I’ve cracked the code. I know what is wrong with Hollywood; “Content Overload”!

No, not in the traditional sense of we have too much coming at us so we can’t absorb it all. No, the problem with Hollywood is they keep making more and more ‘content’ for us to consume and most of it is crap. Let face it, good movie ideas are like good business ideas. One out of every 100 or so may be good and out of that only 5% will actually make it. So why does the Hollywood entertainment engine feel that it has to fill our lives with every crap script (‘cmon, who actually green lighted “Evolution”?) that comes across their desk. I mean some of them are good but most of what comes out of the mainstream entertainment industry is total crap. I’m not talking about, it’s a niche vehicle and just not targeted at me; no, I can recognize the difference between bad and just not interesting to me.

“The Jerk”

Father: “You see that?”
Navin: “Yeah.”
Father: “That’s shit. And this, “shinola.”
Navin: “Shit, shinola.”
Father: “Son, you’re going to be all right.”

Wake up Hollywood, we can all tell the difference between shit and shinola!

I’m tired of the entertainment industry being one of the few industries that, if they sell you a bad product, you can’t demand your money back. If you bought a car that looked beautiful in the brochure and on the show-room floor, only to find out that it smelled of BO after a week, the floors were sticky and you always had 2 people behind you that were so bored with where you were going that they’d rather hold their own conversation? No, you’d take it back and demand your money back and throw a royal hissy.

So here’s what I propose we do about the problem. To all who actually care that great baskets of money are being wasted on people watching bad movies, let’s setup a “Movie lottery” Insert of everybody in the US going to see the latest celluliod fluff foisted upon us at the theaters each week, we’ll all draw straws. Each week 100 of us will see each movie that comes out. That’s it. Everybody else stay home and watch “Caddyshack”, “Stripes”, “The Shining”, “Moulin Rogue!”, “The Jerk” or whatever your personal favorite movie is but don’t go to the theater. Then, the 100 that go see each movie will post reviews. Now at this point, it’s up to you.
Once you read the review and check the score given to it by ‘The 100’ then you have to decide then if it’s worth your money or not. But at least you aren’t going in blind.

Until next time, hope all is well.


The Forgotten

Dear Reader,

One of the most aptly titled movies ever made. This movie soon will be forgotten. I hesitate to even review it here for fear of piquing someone interest and thus prolonging it’s life.

Gary Sinise ought to be ashamed of this one. I’m sure he’s not because it serves the purpose of covering the stain on his record we know as ‘Reindeer Games’ (why does Ben Affleck still get work?) And sadly, this could have been a great movie. Ok, maybe not great, but it could have been a good movie. It has a quasi-interesting plot, a slightly X-Files feel to it and the lack of any major names starring in it. (Sorry Gary, you are a recognizable name but not a major name FWIW ‘major name’==anyone who has not appeared in a movie with Ben.) So it had all the ingredients to deliver.

Sadly, Julianne Moore just failed to deliver. She was much less the woman being driven mad and much more just a whiner. Yea, ok, your son isn’t really missing. Quit explaining it in detail to every extra that steps onto the set and DO SOMETHING!

Please dear reader, do not rent this, do not watch it the 15 times it will be on TBS, if a friend rents it, find a new friend. Let’s let this one die.

Until next time, have a sunshiny day!


My First MLB game!

Dear Reader,

Last night I went to my very first MLB game. It was the SF Giants (who have been on a losing streak of late) against the Cincinnati Reds. E got us tickets and since she grew up in “Reds Country” naturally she rooted for the Reds. Actually, most of the people around us were pulling for the Reds.

Against all odds, the Giants pulled it off. Somewhere late in the game, after I lost feeling in my finger tips but before hypothermia set in, they scored big twice. The final score (I believe) was 5-1. I would know for sure but by the time we got back to the car, my ear-drums had frozen solid.

All in all it was a wonderful evening. Lots of laughs, ball-park food (you know, there’s a reason the FDA doesn’t recommend a diet of hot dogs, popcorn and cotton candy, all washed down with Sprite and Root Beer) and a pretty good game. Hey, I actually got to see Ken Griffey Jr. play. Which was cool because he’s one of maybe 5 baseball players I would recognize by name. :)

The most important thing I learned: San Francisco gets cold and windy at night. Especially if all you are wearing is T-shirt and jeans.

Anyhow, if I’m still alive tomorrow (I may be coming down with something because my vocal range has dropped an octave or two) I’m headed over to SuperHappyDevHouse 2 which should be fun. (Thanks for the invite Jeff)

Till next time, thank you.


Oh HELL Yea!

Dear Reader,

PHP Console Mode

This rocks more than anything I’ve seen added to PHP in some time.

I grew up programming FoxPro. One of the great things about FP/VFP was the command window. Just fire it up and start issuing commands. It was wonderful. You could easily get things done, test new ideas, even check syntax. SideNote: I got in trouble at a previous job because a lot of what I did was in the command window and not in prg files. Now the company they replaced me with can’t figure out how to do simple tasks like data analysis. (Guys, I’m sorry you can’t find a competent programmer to replace me. Next time, don’t make such rash decisions)

Anyhow, this is going to be da bomb and my killer reason for switching to PHP5.

Until next time, have a wonderful day.


What the hell is wrong with Hollywood?

Dear Reader,

What the hell is wrong with Hollywood? How can the same mindless machine turn out “Spanglish” and “Paycheck”? (Why the hell is Ben Affleck still able to get work? I mean come on “Perl Harbor”, “Gigli”, “Paycheck” how much more of this must we endure? Can’t we just label him an Illegal Enemy Combatant and ship him off to Club Gitmo?)

Previously I watched Adam Sandler in “Spanglish”. Now, I will admit that I’m not a fan of all of Adam’s work; but by-in-large, he is a great actor and has turned out some funny and heartwarming movies. As it was put to me recently, “…all men should thank Adam Sandler because in most of his movies, the men aren’t ass-holes.” So for that, I thank you Adam.

But this week I watched “Paycheck”. (In the spirit of openness, I also watched “The Life Aquatic” but I’m still confused on that one.) “Paycheck” is what is wrong with Hollywood. It lacked the excitement of “National Treasure” and the depth of “Spanglish”. Basically it was a “paycheck” movie. Everybody gets a paycheck for doing a middle of the road job. Nothing about this movie stands out except for the potential of the script. Yet again, someone has taken a story from Phillip K. Dick and screwed it. (The one and only good PKD movie, IMHO, was “Blade Runner”.) The directing was mediocre. (Obligatory Homer Simpson quote “…no misdirected woo, which is pretty much any John Woo film.”) Sorry John but this one just laid there. I didn’t believe Ben Affleck, Uma Thurmond still looks like Poison Ivey and even if she didn’t, who is going to believe that Ben Affleck is going to fall for an ugo like that. (John, seriously, hire a new makeup artist. Uma is plain enough without bad lighting and makeup. In parts of this movie, she looked more like Skelator than a biologist.)

How can the same industry put both of these out? The main difference is the talent BEHIND the camera. “Spanglish” boasts of James L. Brooks, whose list of credits goes longer than this entire article. Nobody is perfect and I’m sure James has does something I’ve not liked but I can’t name any of them at the moment.

So to Mr. Brooks, I say thank you. I salute you for “Spanglish”, for “War of the Roses”, for “Broadcast News” and of course, for “The Simpsons”. You sir are the reason God has not smitten Hollywood and made L.A. slide off into the ocean.

Until next time, have a safe flight home.